If you want to add something that I missed, feel free to add it.
(Written by the Omnipotent Narrator, aka the DM)
After spending most of the past two weeks hammered in the bar, Dr. Fred Niggerbaiterand Heoff the Betrayer decided to get off their bums and venture back into the Grey Realms and reclaim some glory their companions had taken. They were joined by the Dragonborn paladin Nala, as well as two new able-bodied adventurers; Richard, the sadistic Githyanki wizard, and Lorenzo Von Matterhorn, the ultra-sexy paladin. Unfortunately, Vincent Vega was unable to find the hospital he was looking for and decided to retire early.
The group was approached by the young priestess Phoebe from the local Temple of Erathis. She implored that our band of heroes find her fiancee Matthew, who had unexpectedly ventured out into the Grey Realms in hopes of following a band of knights that had recently traveled through the region… or at least find whatever’s left of the poor boy. Nala vauguely recalled that The Guardian told them of a similar band of knights passing through the Bell Tree Grove, so she suggested that they begin their search there. After grabbing a few extra magic items from Brett Hayvard and twinking out Richard with a neat-o staff (that he never actually used), the heroes bounded off into the forest.
After delegating Richard to map duty, regretting it, and passing the role of cartographer to Dr. Niggerbaiter, the party finally found the Bell Tree Grove, which seemed to have grown since last time. The Guardian, pleased to see his new homeys, informed the party that such a band of knights passed through no more than two months ago, and they headed west, to the river. The Guardian suspected they went to find the old Smuggler’s Cave. The party spends the night in the Grove (except for Lorenzo, who after insulting the Guardian with his sexiness was forced to sleep outside).
The next morning the team headed west in search of the cave. On the way, the impossible happened, and they stumbled across…BIGFOOT! However, the party was unable to reach an agreement as to what to do with the Sasquattch, and before they could do anything, the beast lumbered away into the woods. To this day, nobody at the bar believes Heoff when he tells them that he saw Bigfoot. A little further in the forest and the team came across a huge river. On the other side is the Smuggler’s Cave…but there was no obvious way across. Dr. Niggerbaiter swam across, as did Heoff, with Richard on his back. However, the two armored paladins, Nala and Lorenzo, were forced to use tricky hijinks that involved a log, clever use of Richard’s teleport spell, and a two mile ride down river. After much todo about nothing, the party finally decended into the cave.
After entering the cave, the party decided, instead of taking the large tunnel, to take the long and narrow option (TWSS). The tunnel promptly collapsed, nearly flattening poor Richard, which gave our intrepid adventurers no choice but to delve deeper into the dark. They soon came across a small nest of spiders. After dispatching them with liberal use of fire and ghost sound, the team went deeper into the spider nest, only to find a very angry Blade Spider. One round of combat later, they all ran away like pussies. This of course prompted Heoff to wonder, “So, were the smugglers smuggling spiders, or did the spiders just live here and they were all chill with that?” Nobody knows to this day.
Leaving the nest of spiders for later, the team ventured down the other path in the tunnel, and found a pit full of fire beetles and rats. Heoff and Lorenzo bravely leapt into the pit and, back to back, held the line nearly surrounded by rats and beetles while Dr. Niggerbaiter sniped them from the other freaking room. The team sustained heavy damage from the fire beetles’ fire breath attack, so only after an extened rest did the team press onward. The next encounter marked the first time the party encountered the Myconids; a race of sapient, mushroom monsters. They came in several varieties; the fat ones could wade into melee combat with their fat arms and pummel their foes, the violet ones were rooted into the ground but had long tentacles that could paralyze their foes, and the breed with the large caps (dubbed Deathcaps) would charge suicidely into the fray, exploding into a damaging cloud upon death. They proved to be little match for our heroes. However, the next encounter with Deathcaps was nearly fatal, as a preemptive charge by the myconids followed by a friendly-fire fire beetle bombardment set off a chain of Deathcap explosions that nearly felled the party. But they hung in there like pros and won the fight.
Deep in the cave, the party stumbled across the dead body of one of the knights they had been following. On him, they discovered a journal written by Sir Jorwan, who was assumed to be the dead knight. While missing several pages, the journal shed some light on the knight’s quest. The knights, lead by Sir Marrion, were apparently in search of Chardaius, whatever that was. There seemed to be a power-struggle in the group between Sir Marrion and someone named Lillian.There also seemed to be a bard with the group who was unaffiliated with the knights and appeared to be an unsavory character. It also appears that the knights were following a map that lead them to Smuggler’s Cave. The last entry detailed how Sir Jorwan was poisoned by a spider, and low on supplies, the company was forced to leave him in the cave. The last entry read, “Sir Marrion was right. Chardaius was a fool’s quest.” Taking the journal, the party continued deeper into the cave.
Near an underground river, the team encountered a fortified party of Urisk awaiting them. Cleaver tactics and liberal face smashing proved to be the winning strategy, though two shamans escaped deeper into the cave. Rather than chase them, the team took a seperate path which lead up, hoping to find some treasure, or maybe Mattiew’s remains.
Instead, they found more Myconids. Intially, the fight seemed too easy…until one of Dr. Niggerbaiter’s arrows was stopped in mid-flight in the middle of the room. The true threat was not revealed until Nala set the gelatinous cube in front of her on fire with her fire breath, revealing it to everybody. The ensuing fight was perilous; the myconids impeaded the movement of the heroes, which then allowed the gelatinous cube to absord them into its acidic body. There, Richard spent most of the fight slowly melting to death, while other party members were able to get stuck and un-stuck without too many problems. The fight looked like it might go sour, until Dr. Niggerbaiter bravely put his life on the line, taking opportunity attacks from the myconids that nearly felled him to put the killing shot into the gelatinous cube’s slimy core, saving Richard from dissolving into Wizard Jelly. For his bravery in using such a high-powered attack while in close-quaters-combat with other enemies, Dr. Niggerbaiter earned the “Isn’t This Danger Close?” Achievement. The rest of the myconids were promptly cleaned up, ending the threat.
In a small side room, the teamwas able to loot what used to be the smuggler’s cache, helping themselves to a few nice magic items. A dusty, decayed, ancient ledger left behind by the smugglers revealed little, but the last lines, “fire….death….we’re leaving now” proved interesting. After discovering that the racket caused by their fight with the gelatinous cube had caused a cave-in in the roof of the connecting tunnel, the party decided to exit and head back to Weyward to heal up and rest, rather than press their luck any further in the cave. During the respite, Heoff learned how to read basic English, so go him. Though their quest for Phoebe was unfinished, Nala, Heoff, Lorenzo, Richard, and Dr. Niggerbaiter vowed to return to the cave and finish the job on a later date.
Plus, they still have to kill that Blade Spider.